Mike C.’S Bottom 5 Horror Movies Of 2008

1. SAW V - Let’s get this out of the way: I didn’t really like “Saw IV” and “Saw III” had one good scene in it. So yea, I’m not really a fan. I’m just getting tired of these grimy, rusty, nasty, unpleasant, and getting-to-be awfully episodic films. God, I thought it was bad when “Saw IV: The Heretic” tried to play itself off as a twist-filled, puzzlebox-type movie. I still have no idea what I watched. I went into this one, reading the tagline “You won’t believe how it ends” thinking, well christ, I just hope I understand how it ends. With fan reaction to “Saw IV” ranging from “huh?” to “wha…what just happened?” this year were just given an oversimplified version of “Saw II” featuring the most painfully annoying cast of characters in the entire series. With a plot and pacing resembling your average episode of “CSI”. One room full of bombs, the next room full of bombs. Come on, now! Really? Bombs? And the traps in this movie…where are the Jigsaw killers getting their supplies these days, because I know an animated coyote they should talk too. Oh well, the hits keep coming. Next year instead of featuring a cast of characters as annoying as reality show contestants “Saw VI” is going to up the authenticity and feature actual reality show contestants. Can’t we just put Jigsaw in space already?

2. DIARY OF THE DEAD - Yea, I didn’t like it. I know, I know big surprise, not many people did. However…I’ve been reading a lot of negative reviews that pontificate on how it’s too “in your face” and “preachy” or how it’s lacks the subtly of Romero’s earlier work. Read more …

Can a Robot Consent to Have Sex with You?

It’s a truism in adult science fiction that humans of the future will have sex with robots. But can a robot really consent to have sex when it’s been programmed?

Under the law, the difference between an act of sex and an act of assault hinges on one idea: consent. If a person agrees to have sex with you, you’re having sex. If they don’t agree, or actively disagree, it’s a crime. Obviously there are gray areas, and that’s why rape trials exist - in the best cases, such trials are intended to determine whether consent was given.

But what about robots? Do you think the blondie bot in Cherry 2000 was really capable of giving consent to have sex with her human boyfriend? Or did her programming simply force her to always have sex, whether she wanted to or not? And what about the Romeo Droid in Circuitry Man, or the Sex Mecha in AI, who live entirely to sexually please women, even when those women are abusing them or putting them in danger?

Then there’s the opposite problem, which Ekaterina Sedia tackles in her recent novel Alchemy of Stone. Her main character is a robot whose creator built her without genitals. Even when she wants to have sex, her body makes it impossible for her to consent in a recognizable way (though she does manage to figure out a technical workaround). Read more …

Mike C.’S TOP 5 Best Horror Of 2008

1. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
- It seems we’ve all fallen for this dreamlike Swedish flick. “Let the Right One In” is beautiful, you’ll hear that repeated from critic to critic, even on our site. I remember when Rob insisted that I watch this I really wasn’t in the mood for a quiet, deliberately paced film, but I was almost immediately captivated.

A love story between two 12 year old kids, one of whom has been 12 for a very, very long time, seems creepy in a very taboo way. However, this isn’t a film that’s challenging in a sordid way. I love the way this movie handles the subject of vampirism.

A must-see, and hands down the best film in the current vampire trend, if not the best horror movie of the year, and just one of the best movies of the year period.

2. [REC]
- While watching this Spanish film, which was remade for American audiences as “Quarantine”, was the first time in years I can remember being completely, totally creeped out.

Hair standing on the back of my neck creeped out. By now you know the premise which, yes I agree, sounds completely hackneyed in the year that brought us “Diary of the Dead” and every schmoe with a camcorder, $20 and a box of Krispy Kreme donuts shooting a zombie movie in their backyard.

Well, the hell with those, because this is the one that works, this is the one that’s scary, and in the last act when you think they couldn’t possibly turn this movie around on you again it goes out with one of the scariest final 10 minutes in recent memory.

3. INSIDE
- Let 2008 stand as the year in which the newly emerging and ignoble art of womb snatching got the “home invasion thriller” treatment. “When did the French get so Italian?” was my reaction halfway through this very bloody movie.

A movie that showcases damage to parts of the human anatomy I, as a card carrying member of the male sex, will never have and makes me react viscerally, wincing in agony for what seemed hours?

To that end I say well done, even if I’m not sure it’s exactly scary. While much of the proceedings in this movie are impossibly over the top, including the ending, I certainly will never forget it (and I will never watch it again). See more reviews about this movie here.

4. THE STRANGERS
- Despite any glaring amateurish flaws (like a knife that makes the “schnink” sound when picked up off the carpet) this was a very impressive directorial debut.

When it is in full swing it is a truly scary, jumpy, fun house horror movie. I may not have liked the characters in it (either the victims or the attackers) but it delivered. Marred only by an extremely grim ending where I was hoping for vengeance.

Extra kudos for the inclusion of Joanna Newsome on the soundtrack. Buy it now for christmas!

You can see another review by ROB G.’S in this post ROB G.’S TOP 10 PICKS of Best & Worst Horror Movies of 2008!

5. BABY BLUES
- Never heard of it? Came out on DVD in August. Find it. Writer/director Lars E. Jacobson delivered a powerfully taboo breaking horror movie about a mother on the verge of a total mental breakdown and the unfortunate young children in her way. I was shocked, appalled, unnerved. If there’s a movie I saw this year that truly horrified me, this is it. If you have kids, please, you’re probably best to avoid this one altogether, it will be tough. The title left me with the impression that I might be getting ready to watch an inappropriately campy movie on the subject of a mother murdering her children.

There’s nothing funny about that, or the incidents in recent years when it’s happened. But this is not a campy movie, it’s dead serious, and while it may seem like borderline (or from your perspective obvious) exploitation filmmaking, the subject is handled with extreme care.

MIKE C.’S HONORABLE MENTION

TRUE BLOOD
- I love this show. Absolutely love it. Obviously I can’t name it as one of my top favorite movies of the year but I need to call it out. Alan Ball has taken some very silly books and made a fine supernatural television series out of them. The show is sexy, engaging, and just raunchy enough to be made for HBO. I kind of also dig the idea that when it first aired “Twilight” fans might have tuned in out of curiosity. I love the idea that Alan Ball’s TV show about vampires maybe have introduced some 13 year old tween to the concept of erotic asphyxiation. That tickles my soul a little. “Mommy, that vampire is definitely NOT sparkling!” But seriously, it’s a damn fine show. Call me up for Team Sookie.

ROB G.’S Honorable Mentions of Best & Worst Horror Movies of 2008!

POULTRYGEIST: NIGHT OF THE CHICKEN DEAD - While I’m not as big a Troma fan as our resident “Bad Kid” John Torrani, I’ve always enjoyed and appreciated the depravity represented in any one of the Troma productions. Hell, as a kid THE TOXIC AVENGER was (and still is) one of my favorite horror/comedies. So after finally watching POULTRYGEIST, I can say that this is by far director Lloyd Kaufman’s best (and most polished) film since the original TOXIC AVENGER. It’s everything you’d expect from a Troma film… times 10! Plenty of laughs, over-the-top gore, boobs (a few recognizable), sarcastic witty commentary as only Mr. Kaufman can deliver and… musical numbers? Also, Lloyd’s in the movie as well, and I don’t think he realizes what a wonderful actor he truly is. (I mean that sincerely!) Any movie that opens with dry humping & a zombie finger up the butt, to Jared (from the Subway commercials) shitting himself thin, to having a protesting organization named C.L.A.M. (Collegiate Lesbians Against Mega-conglomerations) is a quality good time in my book. Kudos Lloyd!

DEXTER: THE SECOND SEASON & DEXTER: SEASON 3. The 2nd season of DEXTER was arguably the best sophomore season of any television show ever. Unlike the 1st season which stretched the “Ice Truck Killer” case through-out the 13 episode run, by the end of the debut episode of Season 2, the shit officially hit the fan & the stakes were already incredibly high for every single episode that followed. That made it all the more fun to re-visit the 2nd Season when it was released on DVD this past August. But more importantly, it prepped me for the wonderful 3rd season. It’d be impossible to top what the show’s writers accomplished with Season 2, but adding Jimmy Smits to the mix as District Attorney Miguel Prado was a great start. And unlike the first 2 seasons, the overall story arc for Season 3 didn’t become apparent until the mid-way point. (Which already makes it something you’d want to re-visit from the start on DVD.) And even once you got a grasp of what was going to happen, the show veered into a completely different direction. It’s rare that you can reach the 3rd season of any show and still find each episode completely unpredictable. Multiple kudos to Michael C. Hall for delivering one of the greatest character performances ever as Dexter Morgan. As well as to his supporting cast ( I love Angel & Masuka!) And well, who doesn’t have the hots for Julie Benz?! With 2 more seasons in queue, I can’t wait to see more DEXTER!

ROB G.’S TOP 10 PICKS of Best & Worst Horror Movies of 2008!

1 - LET THE RIGHT ONE IN - I didn’t know what to expect when I sat down to watch LET THE RIGHT ONE IN. But what I got turned out to be not only one of the most unique vampire tales I’d ever experienced, but easily one of the best movies (of any genre) that I’ve seen in the last decade. The beauty of this film lines within the relationship between Oskar & Eli, two 12 year old kids falling in love with each other, only… one happens to be a vampire. And while that sounds like the makings for a horror film, the true horror comes from the human monsters of the movie - the bullies that torment Oskar. I’ve seen this movie about 6 times already and every single time, I catch something new. I’ve heard that a lot of the backstory for all the characters is detailed in the original novel (by John Ajvide Lindqvist) but the movie is so well crafted that all the details are there for you to discover on repeat viewings. The more I see this, the more I fall in love with it. And I’m sure you will too. Seek this one out!

2 - TRICK ‘R TREAT - Everything you’ve read on-line is true. Writer/Director Michael Dougherty has crafted the best Halloween themed movie since John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN.
And while it was very difficult to decide between this and LET THE RIGHT ONE IN for my top spot this year, I can already sense that TRICK ‘R TREAT will inevitably end up being one of my all time favorite horror movies. The film takes multiple perspectives of Halloween (from child to teenager to adult to senior) and interconnects those separate perspectives into one grand Halloween tale. Think of it as a horror version of PULP FICTION.
I’d imagine that most of you like me make sure that John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN is playing on one of the TV’s somewhere in your house on October 31st. But it’s time to retire that yearly tradition, because starting next year, TRICK ‘R TREAT will most definitely be in my DVD player from every Halloween here on out!

3 - [REC] - Let’s face it. The “found footage” gimmick wore itself out almost immediately. So if you’re going to try it, it’d better be a great original premise intended to set itself apart from the countless other recent attempts at “cinema verite”. Well, all it took was seeing the teaser trailer to the Spanish flick [REC] to realize that filmmakers Jaume Balaguero & Paco Plaza were going to deliver something totally unique and special. I own a multi-regional player (something I strongly recommend investing in to all of you fine readers out there), got myself a copy of the import DVD and was treated to easily one of the scariest “zombie” films I’d ever seen! And quite frankly, this is one of the best movies made using the “cinema verite” approach. Forget QUARANTINE. I haven’t seen it yet but the slight tweak to the ending I’ve heard about (something I found terrifying in the original) has already turned me off to it. Plus, this version probably won’t be as effective to you if you watch the practically shot-for-shot American remake. As much as I love Dexter’s little sister, films like this work for me so much better when there’s not a bunch of familiar faces in the leads. Hence, the foreign version gets the upper hand. Seek it out. It’s worth it.

4 - CLOVERFIELD - Another one I truly didn’t know what to expect, but was blown away by. Look - your ever-loyal ICONS staff got to see this one in Times Square in Manhattan, and quite frankly, it was unsettling and scary! Especially walking out into the very streets we’d seen destroyed on the big screen moments earlier. Multiple kudos to director Matt Reeves and writer Drew Goddard for figuring out a way to let this story tell itself using the limitation of the duration of one Mini-DV tape. It’s seriously brilliant & impressive filmmaking. Plus, the creature rocked! It reminded me of the 1st time I saw the original ALIEN as a kid. Anytime you’d get a glimpse of the monster, you couldn’t help but think “What exactly am I looking at?!” I rewatched this recently on DVD just to make sure I still felt as strongly about it, and sure enough, I love it just as much as when I first saw it in January of this year. (You can find more about this movie on FullHalloween Section: Horror Movies and of course, there are more horror movies!

5 - THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN - Not a perfect film, but easily one of the best movies to bare the name Clive Barker on it in over a decade! Who wouldn’t get excited at the prospect of a BOOKS OF BLOOD adaptation?! Let alone one coming from a stylish director such as Ryuhei Kitamura. Writer Jeff Buhler did a kick-ass job expanding upon Barker’s original story, and Kitamura gave us some fantastic gore & visual set pieces.
While the last 20 minutes gets a little iffy, Bradley Cooper still delivers a great little performance, as does the ever-scary Vinnie Jones as the menacing Mahogany. Add a Ted Raimi cameo and you’ve got my bonus kudos.
And thankfully, they kept the original stories ending in tact for the movie version. This one got a raw deal from Lionsgate when it obviously deserved so much better. Thankfully, you guys can discover it on DVD in February 2009! So be waiting for this oh yeah!

6 - THE WIZARD OF GORE - As soon as I heard the first notes of the beautiful song “The Old Kind Of Summer” by The Black Heart Procession playing over the “bloody” opening of THE WIZARD OF GORE, I knew I was watching something special. Add onto that the stellar casting of Crispin Glover (whom if you’ve seen his “performance shows” makes the perfect Montag The Magnificant), as well as Kip Pardue, Bijou Phillips, Brad Dourif, a welcome appearance by Joshua Miller and the Suicide Girls (?!) and you’ve got one of the most bizarre films of the year that if anything, you should check out just for curiosity’s sake.
The ever-reliable Jeffrey Combs also gives us an unrecognizable performance in this flick.
Multiple kudos to director Jeremy Kasten for envisioning Herschell Gordon Lewis through a punk-rock, noir Los Angeles. I’ll be keeping a close eye on all of his films from here on out.

7 - STUCK - Oh Uncle Stu! Not exactly a horror film, but definitely a film loosely based on a true story that just happens to be horrifying! Stuart Gordon gives us this deliciously twisted black comedy. Poor Stephen Rea is having the worst day of his life. His job interview didn’t go well, he get’s kicked out of his apartment and can’t even comfortably sleep on the street without a cop telling him to move. Eventually his bad day comes crashing into him (literally) in the form of Mena Suvari. Rea’s character becomes embedded in Suvari’s windshield, and although her character is a nurse that cares for people on a daily basis, she (for whatever reason) leaves him stuck to the front of the car to die in her garage. What follows is a series of gasp worthy incidences that truly made you feel sorry for this poor S.O.B. Be glad your day isn’t this bad! Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed as much as I did during this movie, but I found it darkly hysterical and the ending was utterly satisfying. Way to go Uncle Stu!

8 - THE STRANGERS - Believe it or not, I actually just rented and watched this one for the first time last night! I’d heard mixed reviews all over the place. Some of my friends hated it, some liked it. My cousin and I share similar tastes in movies and assured me I would love this one. While I didn’t exactly love it (nor do I think it’s a perfect film), I did think it was a solid and genuinely scary debut effort from writer/director Bryan Bertino.
One of my biggest fears (next to drowning) is home invasion. So to have a movie really turn up the tension on that basic concept, and then add creepy, spooky masked stalkers to the mix, just really got to me.
I’m still totally bummed out by the downbeat grim ending, but hell, that’s what makes for an effective horror movie, so for me this one totally worked. I personally like a little vengeance in my horror flicks, so hopefully that is the direction they will take the planned sequel!

9 - TIMECRIMES - Another one I just watched for the first time this week. TIMECRIMES is a Spanish movie by Nacho Vigalondo. And while it’s not exactly a “horror” film, this is one that stuck with me for a long time after the credits stopped. There’s a good tension filled build up in the first 20 minutes as our main character Hector is being stalked by a mysterious man wearing bandages across his face and chasing him with a scissor, but then… the idea of time travel is introduced. To go any further into the plot would just give away all the fun. But the great thing about the movie is, once you get further and further into the time travel angle, it starts to become somewhat frustrating for the viewer, just because it’s hard to wrap your head around the continuity. BUT, rest assured that all of the details will fit by the film’s conclusion and you’ll be left with plenty of satisfying afterthoughts. Hence, it becomes obvious that Vigalondo put a lot of advance thought and effort into exactly how this story should unfold and it totally works! It’s impressive storytelling, and easily one of this year’s best!

10 - INSIDE - At one point during INSIDE’s many gory sequences, Mike C. turned to me and said, “Robg… When did the French get so Italian?” And that’s the main reason I love this movie as much as I do. Now, to be fair, it disturbed me enough that I haven’t had the nerve to watch it a 2nd time, but any horror film that effects me that deeply definitely earns itself a slot on my “best of the year” list. It’s no surprise that lead Beatrice Dalle has a tendency to physically attack meter maids and is in fact kinda crazy in real life, because she’s fantastic in the film. It has it’s over the top moments (sheesh, how much blood did they use in this flick?!), but that makes it one you definitely have to see to believe.
Oh and the ending! I’ve seen a LOT of horror films in my time, but the ending to this one is genuinely one of the most shocking you’re bound to witness.

Kunoichi Lady Ninja (Japanese) 1998, Plot/Synopsis, Poster, Trailer Kunoichi Lady Ninja

AKA : Kunoichi ninpô chô Yagyû gaiden: Edobana jigoku-hen
Director : Hitoshi Ozawa
Writers : Futaro Yamada
Genre : Action \ Fantasy \ Horror \ Pinku
Cast : Ryuushi Mizukami, Yûko Moriyama, Hitoshi Ozawa, Yasuyo Shirashima
Running Time : 106 min
Language : Japanese
Subtitles : English
IMDb link : Kunoichi Lady Ninja

Plot/Synopsis

Yuko Moriyama stars in this ninja period piece as one of seven women determined to exact revenge on the evil lord Akinari Katou and “The 7 Spears”, the band of soldiers he commands.

Trained assassins and skilled in sorcery, these men took over the Aizu prefecture and took its most beautiful young women as concubines.

When they left, they left behind seven daughters, who have now sought out the sword-master Jyubei Yagyuu to help them discover their own power so that they exact their own revenge. Read more …

It’s Official! ROB ZOMBIE Is Back For HALLOWEEN 2!

Shock Till You Drop broke the news several weeks back, and now it’s official! According to a post on Variety, it’s been confirmed that Rob Zombie will in fact return to write and direct the sequel to his remake of John Carpenter’s classic HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN 2 (going by the title H2)! Shooting begins in March of 2009 with an expected October 2009 release! (Good! Let’s skip the August release this time around!) Tyler Mane is back as Michael Myers, and while yet-to-be confirmed, we expect Malcolm McDowell and Scout Taylor-Compton will also be back.

The article says, “Dimension Films and Rob Zombie are teaming for another chapter of “HALLOWEEN,” and he’s racing to scare up the pic for release in October.”

Zombie will write and direct “H2,” the sequel to his 2007 reinvention of the John Carpenter horror classic. Production will begin in March.

The new film picks up right as the first remake ended, following the aftermath of Michael Myers’ murderous rampage through the eyes of the sister he hunted.

Zombie said it won’t resemble the original second installment, as the “House of 1000 Corpses” helmer continues to take the franchise in different directions. Read more …